Chocolate Chip Patience Cookies

"If I could store any character quality in a cookie jar, I'd store patience.  Chocolate-chip patience cookies.  And I'd eat them all at one sitting"  - Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale 

I was looking for the perfect quote to start this week's post about patience, the whole time being a child of the 80's hearing Axl Rose's voice in my head, "just a little patience, yeaaahh yeahhhh".  I'll admit I was starting to feel slightly tempted to just start off with Guns and Roses lyrics instead of taking the time to look for the perfect quote, then this one popped out at me.  Once again, patience pays off.  

Damn you patience!! Always right.  

I love this quote, simply because I love chocolate chip cookies.  And  I lack patience.  I also like eating lots of cookies in one sitting.  Because sometimes, I want it all - RIGHT NOW! 

Patience is a struggle for me.  I do not like waiting for things to happen, especially when those things excite my spirit.  New ideas, cool stuff, adventures, hanging out with friends, learning new stuff.  Whatever it is.  I want it now.  

My yoga practice is sort of like that too.  At the start of summer, I spent a lot of time working on some of the more "fancy" yoga poses, the circus tricks.  The stuff that gets you noticed - back bends, arm balances and inversions.  I was making great progress, and then I went to Whistler for Wanderlust.  At Wanderlust, I found myself often at the brink of my own physical edge in simple standing postures, the very building blocks of a more advanced practice.   I was seeing the effect of my "goal focused" practice - ignoring the foundation postures in my home practice in favour of seeking the glory poses.  My foundation was weakening.  

After Whistler, I stopped practicing the arm balancing and inverting for a while to focus on breath and stillness.  I revisited a restorative practice and began looking at posture, tone, and rebuilding the foundation of my advanced practice.  It was during this time that I thought I might try an arm balance or two to see how things have progressed, and I fell to the floor.  All the progress I had made had gone.  I felt like I had given up or failed by discontinuing my daily practice of the advanced postures.  Fear, doubt, and self defeating thoughts crept in.  I simply wanted success!  

Two steps forward, one step back?  Or in this case, many steps backward..... is there a step forward?  

Patience.  I recognize that yoga is my place to learn patience.  Patience can be cultivated in my practice simply by honouring my body, and listening to what it is telling me on any given day.  This requires being patient.  It requires not needing everything right now.  But it also requires dedication, not giving up because I am not getting the results I want quickly enough.  

Isn't that the way we are though? We barely wait for anything now.  Email has replaced the written letter, texting the personal phone call, when we want information it is most often right at our fingertips.  Music instantly downloads, no more going to the record store to get the new Guns & Roses album and then waiting until you get home to hear it.  When we want to lose weight, we turn to potions and powders or surgery rather than making real sustainable lifestyle change, which takes longer and requires patience and dedication. 

My impatience gets me into trouble not only on my yoga mat, it's pretty pervasive in my life.  I may venture to guess this is the case for others.  Impatience takes us out of the present moment, situating us in an idealized future.  It causes discontent with what is happening right now, but right now is where we start.  Right now is where we can take a moment to breathe, reflect on what is happening, and react with a more patient and mindful approach.  So, this week my practice is about stepping back and waiting.  Breathing through the discomfort of not having what I want, when I want it.  Respecting that building foundation is the key to manifesting the things I desire.  Building foundation takes time.  I'm pretty sure it's worth it.  

Finding a More Compassionate Approach.

A couple of days ago, a facebook page I follow posted a status update about shifting our assumptions about people we encounter throughout the day.

What if, just for one day, we gave everyone we interacted with the benefit of the doubt?The guy who cut you off in traffic? Must be late for a very important appointment, or rushing to an emergency. Go right ahead, man.The rude woman ahead of you in line? Must be going through a really difficult family situation. Take your time.The person who appears rude on the internet? Must be new to online forums--her intentions were truly good. Let me answer your question politely and thoroughly.EVEN IF WE WERE WRONG... wouldn't this make our day that much better? - Whole9

 I think we often allow our own feelings to be held captive by the actions of others.  We tend to assume the worst about other people's intentions.  What if we decided to think differently about people's intentions?  If we decided to approach others with more compassion.  Instead of the knee jerk response, we sat with our reaction for a moment and re framed our response.  Even if we were wrong,  like the Whole 9 post suggests, wouldn't we feel better?

We can approach our practice in this way too,  by letting go of the assumptions we hold about ourselves. You've likely been in a challenging posture before, and have met with your "story", your inner dialogue that occurs each time you are there.  Downward facing dog is this posture for me.  This is how it goes:

 "Okay, hands go here, feet go here, hips lift, oh! the shoulders, open, oh! the hands, ground.  Core.  Hips.  Shoulders, oh, my shoulders are getting tired, I should be stronger than this.  Why are my hamstrings so tight today?  My feet usually get to the ground. Oh!  I'm gripping my neck  Hands.  Feet.  Shit!! I forgot to breathe. I hope this looks okay."  

I might find some stillness after all of this, sometimes I have less crazy.  Sometimes more.  But, this is my story.  My downward dog story.

I can learn a lot from this story.  I can see how I resist the pose, how I resist "what is" as compared to "what I think should be", I can see how I doubt my own inner guide to bring me into the pose.

What if I approached Downward Dog more compassionately, with fewer assumptions?  What if I found myself deeply curious about my experience here?  I can begin to uncover the layers of thought I have placed upon myself.  Thoughts that limit, that doubt, and that create tension in the mind.

The mind and the body are not separate entities.  Whatever is happening in the mind, is also occurring in the body.  As I meet resistance in the mind, I meet the same resistance in the body.  

I can decide from this point if I want to change my approach.  Give myself the benefit of the doubt.  Maybe I am strong enough and I'm just tired today.  Maybe I know stillness here already.  I might begin to trust myself when I find a more compassionate approach.

Practice is about exploration.  My downward dog story is not exclusive to downward dog.  It's my story in many other areas of my life, on and off the mat.  Knowing this is where I can begin to let go of thoughts, ideas and concepts about myself that I hold on to, that may be limiting me in some way.  That may be preventing me from finding stillness.

As you practice, pay attention.  Be curious.  

This curiosity can serve you well.  Practice compassion, don't beat yourself up about this stuff, don't hold what you discover as your truth.  Be kind to yourself and patiently allow yourself to let go of limiting thoughts, and habitual patterns that no longer serve you.  Use the breath, as you breathe in, you create space and open yourself to possibility and newness, as you breathe out you let go, or let be.

As you start to cultivate compassion toward yourself, finding a more compassionate approach to all things is easier.  You can give others the benefit of the doubt, just as you have begun to do with yourself.

... in search of authenticity

"We already have everything we need.  There is no need for self-improvement.  All these trips that we lay on ourselves - the heavy-duty fearing that we're bad and hoping that we're good, the identities that we so dearly cling to, the rage, the jealousy and the addictions of all kinds- never touch our basic wealth.  They are like clouds that temporarily block the sun.  But all the time our warmth and brilliance are right here.  This is who we really are.  We are one blink of an eye away from being fully awake.
Looking at ourselves this way is very different from our usual habit.  From this perspective we don't need to change: you can feel as wretched as you like, and you're still a good candidate for enlightenment.  You can feel like the world's most hopeless basket case, but that feeling is your wealth, not something to be thrown out or improved upon"  - pema chodron

More inspiration from Ms. Chodron... I have this little pocket book of quotes by Pema Chodron.  It's called, "The Pocket Pema Chodron" published by Shambhala.  I like it for a few reasons.  First, it fits in my purse.  Second, it's full of inspiring quotes.  Third, I like small things.  This quote is on page 3.

Sometimes I bring this book to class with me, to share some thoughts that inspire me.  I might base a class on a reading, or throw a reading in at the end to enhance an idea I've been trying to convey through the asana practice.

As a busy mother of three, as someone used to a fairly busy life - I kind of like the sound bite.  I like the little tidbits of inspiration you find on Facebook memes or a shambhala pocket classic.  It's to the point, and it conveys something that makes me think.

Yet, there is something about this approach that doesn't sit right

The tidbit, the sound bite, the tiny little piece of something much larger is becoming our primary way of communicating.  Social media and text messaging have truncated the process of forming and sharing ideas so much that we've even begun to distort the english language with acronyms and made up words.  

Yoga classes are not immune to this way of communicating.  There is an idealized, media constructed version of a yoga class you might see in movies or in news reels.  The brightly lit white room with flowy white curtains, everyone on their yoga mats, blissfully flowing through their practice as the teacher spouts rainbows and unicorns.  Yoga is happiness.  Yoga is about being blissful, it is about being serene.  

Deeper than this, but part of the idea that yoga is about the "ideal" experience of life, there are some things that are said, some common "sound bites" that are present in the yoga community takes something very small out of a much larger practice and presents it as the whole.  

Most commonly, there is a feeling like western yoga is only about the asana or practice of the postures ignoring the richness of the yoga tradition.  I feel like this is the least troubling western cultural appropriation of a larger spiritual practice.  The physical practice produces so much benefit on it's own, that a lifetime of asana without any of the other elements of  a yoga practice is good.  There is absolutely nothing wrong, in my opinion, with approaching yoga from this perspective alone.  

I'd rather this, than the false spirituality you often find in a yoga class.  Platitudes and sound bites are all too often taking a much larger spiritual tradition out of context and presenting it as a whole.  Things like, "shine your inner light" or "speak your truth" or "set your intention", or "be your best self".   These ideas are adapted from, or taken from the yoga tradition but have been filtered through our western ideology of capitalism, dualism & egotism.   In talking about this with my teacher, he said (paraphrasing), "who are you? - to know your truth, to shine your light, to set your intention, you must first know who YOU are"  

Maybe we should go to a yoga class to find out who we are.  To uncover ourselves.  To be with ourselves.  Not to shine more of who we think we are, or to speak more of what we think our truth is, or to set goals to be who we think we want to be.  We will shine, speak our truth, set our goals, achieve our goals and we will still be the same.  We may be happier, but problems do not go away.  Life is a series of ups and downs, moments of glory and moments of heartache.  Achieving your goals does not reveal happiness, it reveals that you can do something you weren't sure you could do.  True contentment comes when you can be with the ebb and flow of life and recognize that nothing is permanent, and nothing takes away from who you really are.     

Yoga isn't about making you your best self.  It's about being exactly who you are at any given moment, and being okay with that.  

I encourage you to be critical.  To approach your yoga practice openly, as an observer of what is.  To listen to the sound bites and ask yourself if it means anything to YOU.  Is this more stroking of your ego, of the person you want to be or does this really speak to the essence of who you are?  Does it allow you to dig into yourself to uncover the layers of thoughts you've carried with you as your description of "you".  

I'm not saying, don't set goals. I'm not saying you should just give up on being awesome, on trying to live your life fully.  You are already awesome and you should live your life fully.   If you want to run a marathon, run one.  But, recognize that running or not running a marathon does not make you a better or worse person.  It does not change your basic wealth.  But, don't confuse this with yoga.  Yoga runs much deeper than this.  

Yoga is about being authentic, about coming to the mat as you are, and getting to know yourself.  Fully.  And from there, the rest follows. You already have everything in you, you don't need to add anything.  You just need to discover and uncover.   Just observe.  And be you.  

The Elusive Home Practice.

Ahhh, vacation!  You'd think, you'd hope, that over this week long vacation I would have managed to drag out the mat and rock out a few poses, or work on a few sequences, or plan a few classes.   Truth? I haven't done a single pose all week.  Not one.

I've got all sorts of great excuses: too busy, too many people around, no space, no time, wanting to focus elsewhere, too lazy, too tired, just ate....

Truth is - I'm just a bit stuck.  This happens when I start to make some progress with my practice.  When I start to uncover some "stuff", it is always followed by a natural retreat or shying away from practice for a while.  You may notice this in your studio practice or your own home practice.  You go religiously to class three times a week, you schedule your life around making sure your practice takes priority.  Then, something happens and you stop.  You don't feel like going one day, and that turns into a couple weeks, then a month.  
Sometimes, those breaks are legit.  Maybe life did get busy.   I see this decline in regular attendance happen often with students who are starting to make some big breakthroughs in their practice.  Students who are starting to dig a little deeper.  They begin to uncover places where they are resisting growth, and that can be a little overwhelming.  As a result, sitting at home on the couch seems a lot more inviting than a challenging yoga class.

This is when we should most dedicate ourselves to getting on the mat.  

A home practice can be a valuable tool in those times where you are resisting attending class.  I don't believe that a home practice is a total replacement for learning with a teacher, but it can be the continuity of practice that you need to carry you through the times when you are feeling resistant to a studio practice.  It can also be a great tool when studio practice is unavailable to you, for whatever reason.  

I often have students ask how they can embark on creating their home practice.  What follows is the advice I give to students, and try to follow myself.  

First, recognize you don't need any props or supplies to practice yoga at home.  We are pretty conditioned to believe that we need "stuff" to practice yoga.  A blanket can soften the floor, you can use books for blocks, and housecoat ties for straps.  Pillows rolled in a blanket make great bolsters.  Chairs have endless uses in home practice.  It's all about creativity & willingness to forgo having the "right stuff".  In the end, a space on the floor is really all you need.  

Home practice doesn't have to look like a studio practice.  It can, but it can be very simple as well.  Maybe just some pranayama, very simple breath work.  Often my home practice is some breath work followed by a few restorative or yin poses.  

This leads to the question, "How do I know which poses to practice?"  

I don't know how many times I've pulled my mat out, moved into down dog, maybe a couple warriors, and a triangle for good measure then felt stuck, rolled up the mat and called it a day.  My best practices at home have never been guided by what I think I should do, but rather they've been guided by what I feel like doing.  

This is why I suggest starting with the breath.  Spend some time working with ujjayi breath or the ParaYoga practice of pure breathing I've been teaching lately in class.  Then move into child's pose or downward dog and see what happens next.  Allow the poses to feel intuitive, and natural.  Do what you feel like doing, and nothing else.  Allow the practice to flow through you.  

If there are a few postures you are working on, like balance postures, inverting or arm balancing.  Spend some time with those after you have done the more intuitive side of your practice.  It's my experience that the more challenging work is met with less resistance and difficulty if the body is warmed up and you are feeling a sense of connection to yourself, the breath and you are able to tap into some moment to moment awareness.  

Of course, practicing at home in this way this assumes some base level knowledge of the breath work, of the postures and how to align safely.  This is why attending a class with a teacher is an important part of your yoga practice.   

If you are still feeling stuck in your home practice there are some other options I give to students.  The first is a streaming yoga video website like My Yoga Online.  I prefer these websites to videos because there is no assumption of a teacher/student (viewer) relationship.  You won't hear things like, "You look great, keep it up" from a teacher who is unable to see how you actually look.   These websites are great to kick start your home practice, and often they are videos of actual yoga classes so you can get a little bit of that "studio" feel in your home practice.  Again, not a replacement for an actual in class experience but a great way to motivate you to get on the mat at home.  

Books are also a good tool for home practice. My suggestion is is to head to the library or the book store and pick out books that interest you - practice books, philosophy books, anatomy books.  My yoga book library is ever growing, and I usually have about 3 books on the go at once.  

There is one other, less conventional tool to assist a home practice.  If you are an Instagram user, you can find month long yoga challenges posted on Instagram.  These challenges request you practice one posture a day, then post the photo to your feed. 

There is some debate about the yoga "selfie".  Some people suggest it is "egotistical" and not a genuine yoga practice.  While, I can see how the selfie can bee seen that way, I think it's an unconventional but good way to encourage yourself to practice daily.   I participated in a challenge this past July.  There were postures I was really good at, postures that found me crashing to the floor, and postures I never ever practice.  The challenge got me on the mat every single day in July, a huge accomplishment for me.  

Of course, my camera was part of every practice.  Sometimes the practice was just to get the photograph for the challenge.  Other times, I would take the photo then continue practicing.  The presence of the camera did take me out of my own internal practice and made the practice about sharing instead.  I was fully aware of the "observer" as I performed the postures for the camera.  I think the result of this was more of an emphasis on the physical aspect of my practice, which I don't think is bad.  It's just important to recognize it for what it is.  

Overall, I enjoyed the challenge and am doing another challenge in September, hash tagged #moveyoasana.   If you are interested in following along with an Instagram challenge, I would suggest following @laurasykora to find out more information.  You may follow me at @suryayogaregina.  

We all get stuck.  We all have barriers or excuses. We all ebb and flow with our practice.  The key to managing the fluctuations is deciding to let yoga become a part of your life in some capacity, every day.   A part of the blissful chilled out times where the mat is easy to approach, as well as a part of the more challenging times when coming to the mat is met with great resistance.   And allowing your definition of practice to encompass simply sitting and breathing, to meditation, to reading, to challenging you physically.  

If you are looking for another way to build a home practice, you should check out my open studio time on Monday afternoons at Bodhi Tree Hot Yoga in downtown Regina (starting September 9, 2013).  Between 1-3, drop in and practice on your own or with some gentle guidance from me.  I will offer suggested practices for those looking for ideas, I can help with alignment and answer questions as needed.  I'm looking forward to the time to work more closely with students as they work toward building a yoga practice that is sustainable, challenging, and fulfilling.