I always laugh at this one. It speaks to the idea that yoga should be magic. That, if we do yoga, and meditate, and all of the other “stuff” that we do to placate our emotions, we should be blissful, happy and certainly NEVER want to smack someone. But, I know the reality is far different. The reality is that our buttons still get pushed, we get triggered and we react in less than “yogic” ways. Maybe over time & with practice, there is more awareness around the reaction and more ability to be conscious of how we react. But, I think it’s pretty safe to say that once in a while, we’ll get triggered and we’ll think and say stuff that is unkind, untrue and unhelpful.
So. Why do all the yoga then? I think the problem lies in our misinterpretation of yoga. For some reason, we feel like if we get on our mat and breathe a little, and do a few postures, maybe a little meditation that we will suddenly become better people.
It doesn’t work that way. I explain this to my students using the Yoga Sutras. There are four sutras that I like to reference often in my teaching. These four sutras outline how I approach practice, with the clear understanding that a casual approach (while still helpful while you are on the mat, and it still feels good) isn’t going to create the profound life changing shifts that are possible through yoga.
Sutra 1. 2
Yogas città-vrtti-nirdha
Yoga is the stilling of the changing states of mind.
Sutra 1.12
Abhyasa-vairagyabhyam tan-nirodhah
The vritti states of mind are stilled by practice & dispassion.
Sutra 1.14
sa tu dirgha-kala-nairantarya-satkarasevito drdha-bhumih
Practice becomes firmly established when it has been cultivated uninterruptedly and with devotion over a long period of time.
Sutra 2.1
tapah-svadhyayaesvara-pranidhanani kriya-yogah
The path of action (practice) consists of self discipline, study and dedication to the Lord.
(Translations are from Edwin Bryant’s translation of the Yoga Sutras, North Point Press 2009)
The first Sutra tells us that the state of yoga is a stilling of the mind. It is when our mind is not still, that we tend to react, lash out or have thoughts that are unkind, untrue and unhelpful. The second sutra explains that in order to still the mind we must practice as well as let go. We can’t expect a stilling of the mind to happen unless we practice, and at the same time we also have to let go of our expectations that brought us to practice in the first place. Future states of mind are not real, so let go of that! Come to NOW, and let go of that too because every single moment is a new now to let go of. That is the practice. Keep coming back & letting go. The third sutra explains that in order for this to work, you’ve got to keep doing it over a long period of time. You can’t come to a yoga class once a week, then skip a week or two, and then maybe come back and expect yoga to actually change you. Continued practice over time is key!
Finally - the kicker is the explanation of what practice actually is. It’s threefold. And I like to use Leslie Kaminoff’s explanation for this one. This sutra is like the Serenity Prayer. "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can’t change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”
acceptance = surrender, or ishvara pranidhanani (devotion to the Lord)
courage = tapah (self discipline, effort)
wisdom = svadhyaya (study)
My attraction to this sutra underlies my teaching & my personal practice. I believe it to be the foundation for creating lasting & profound shifts in thinking & experience. It is here, we find the magic of yoga. Unlike most magic - this is slow moving, difficult, and transparent magic. It’s the daily grind of yoga. And the thing about yoga is... if you have an expectation of anything happening, or become attached to things being a particular way it gets in the way of your practice. Remember Sutra 1.12? Practice, and then let go. Take each moment for what it is. Then let it go. Again and again....
So - how does this all tie into feelings?
Say you get triggered. This happened to me this past week. Something set me off on a wild rampage of fear, anger and sadness. My mind was racing and full of unkind, untrue and unhelpful thoughts. One could say, I was experiencing the opposite of yoga. I was experiencing EGO. The changing states of mind took over.
Thing is. When you are experiencing stress. You have a few options:
Option 1: You can totally buy in. You can victimize yourself, and you can dive right into the depths of despair. It’s actually pretty easy to do this. Just let go to it, lash out, wallow, judge. If you’ve got some self awareness, you might judge your emotions and get really stuck here. (hint: if you choose this option or found yourself in this option, try not to judge yourself and your feelings. Skip to option 3 right away!)
Option 2: You quote the Bhagavad-Gita stoically and say, “A yogi is alike in hot and cold, pleasure and pain” and you just ride it out, focused on that still calm quiet mind. Wait, what? A still calm quiet mind? This option might be best saved for someone living in a cave... I’m more partial to Krishna’s urging of Arjuna to “fight this battle” in the Gita - even if it feels gross. See option 3.
Option 3: You can FEEL THE FEELS. In her book, “Come as You Are” (Simon & Schuster 2015), Emily Nagoski explains how to manage stress effectively. She explains that when we feel stress, we need to create space to allow the stress response cycle to play itself out. She explains the importance of feeling the feels.
“Emotions are like tunnels”, she writes, “ You have to walk all the way through the darkness to get to the light at the end” (p. 122)
“Our emotion dismissing culture is uncomfortable with Feels. Our culture says that if the stressor isn’t right in front of us, then we have no reason to feel stressed and so we should just cut it out already. As a result of this most people’s idea of “stress management” is either to eliminate all stressors or to just relax, as if stress can be turned off like a light switch. “ (p.121)
“...our ultra social human brains are really good at self-inhibition, stopping the stress response mid cycle because, “Now is not an appropriate time for Feels”. We use this self-inhibition in order to facilitate social cooperation - i.e. not freak anybody out. But, unfortunately, our culture has eliminated all appropriate time for Feels. We’ve locked ourselves culturally, into our own fear, rage, and despair. We must build time, space and strategies for discharging our stress response cycle” (p. 121)
“ ...pay attention to your patterns of self-inhibition, and identify places and people who create space for you to have Feels... everyone needs at least one place in their life where they can just Have All The Feels without worrying about being judged or freaking people out. Find that place and those people” (p.123)
“Feelings aren’t dangerous... though they can be used dangerously. One of the central messages in emotion dismissing meta-emotions [how you feel about the feelings] is that feelings are inherently dangerous - toxic and hurtful to yourself and the people around you. People may believe this if they grew up in a world where people used feelings to injure or manipulate others - and using your feelings to deliberately hurt people is against the rules. Most important: You’re not allowed to used your own feelings to injure or manipulate yourself! (self compassion)” (p.319)
So back to me. I freaked out about something. Even though, I practice some kind of yoga or meditation DAILY. I still freaked out. And this time, I was okay with it. I just let myself feel the feels, think the thoughts, say the things, and be in pain. My teacher, Layla Martin, validated this so beautifully for me, “it’s a primal threat that runs deep through the system and triggers ancient patterning around survival, abundance, specialness and power”. How is that for completely and totally validating the FEELS?? How can you stop a primal reaction? You can’t really. Resisting would be futile, don’t resist. Don’t use your feelings to HURT other people, or yourself. Just feel. Give yourself space to do this.
So, I felt. I felt anger, and sadness, and fear. I felt it all. And I thought unkind, untrue and unhelpful thoughts. And I reacted and acted in "non yogic" ways. And then, I did the most important part of the process of moving through emotions. I let the cycle play out by returning to my practice.
Self study. Or svadhyaya. After taking Option #3 and FEELING the feels, I opted to come back to my practice. Surely, this would still my mind. I didn’t get on the mat. I got out my Byron Katie worksheet and INQUIRED. I wrote out all of the unkind, untrue and unhelpful thoughts and I brought them to inquiry.
Byron Katie’s work is profoundly life changing. It’s the missing piece of our modern westernized yoga practice. We MUST work with the mind in conjunction with the body. The mind can change, quickly and so working with the mind gives us a relative sense of peace immediately. Because the mind is quick to change, it can unchange quickly too. Which is why the physical practice is also important. The body is slower to change, and our physical practice alone can create big shifts in the way our body stores the energy of our thoughts. If we combine the physical postures, with the mind practices, the changes are locked in to our tissues thus complimenting our mind space rather than contradicting. Indeed, Patanjali agrees... yoga is more than just self discipline. It is self study & surrender too. Both the mind and body are important - we know this from understanding Patanjali's "8 Limbs of Yoga" which clearly show a mind body practice. Moral discipline, posture practice, breath practice & meditation are all present in Patanjali’s 8 limbs.
Knowing I couldn’t change the reality of my situation. I put it to Inquiry instead using Byron Katie’s work instead. Four questions:
1. Is it true?
2. Can you absolutely know that it is true? (hint, it’s never true)
3. How do you feel when you believe that thought?
4. Who would you be without that thought?
After you answer these questions, you turn your statements around and find ways in which the turnaround statements are true. This is a meditation. It requires time. But, it can create really profound shifts, helping you to walk through the tunnel and emerge on the other side with a new perspective. When you realize that you’d be a loving, happy, carefree person without the thoughts - the choice to change your thoughts is quite easy.
After I finished “The Work”, I did a few embodiment practices to lock in the mind practices. Layla Martin’s “Obliss” course has some wonderful practices that can lock in or shift the body away from stagnant unhelpful patterning. The first practice I worked with was “Transfiguration”. I imagined myself AS the woman I wanted to be. A woman who had loving, supportive, and kind thoughts. It is a powerful and highly effective tool for changing your perception of who you are. It shows you that what you desire is already what you ARE! Then I did another practice called “Emotional Theatre” - cycling through emotions for a minute at a time. Anger, grief, pleasure, silliness, and joy. Feeling each one FULLY for a minute, acting out the emotion intuitively. The idea is to release any stagnant or low vibration emotions that are residing in you. It works!
I hate to be the one to break it to you. But, getting on your mat every once in a while will NOT create the profound shifts you are hoping for when it comes to managing stress & emotion. Yoga is work. You gotta dig in, feel the feels (even if you FEEL like smacking someone) and then move through the tunnel. When you come out on the other side, things will be different. Some tunnels are long, some are short. But, there is always a light at the end.
To do Byron Katie’s Work: CLICK HERE
To check out Layla Martin: CLICK HERE
Does this feel overwhelming or perhaps it has spoken to your spirit in some way? Do you want to learn how to transform your physical yoga practice into a LIVING yoga practice? Book a private session with me, either online or in person and I can facilitate your practice using the foundation described above. I’ll help facilitate you through movement (embodiment) practices combined with the profound understanding, appreciation and LOVE for your humanity, and guidance toward self study. All tools that can help you grow! This is my practice and I want to share it with you!
Maybe you want a more in depth experience? Join my Teacher Training Mentorship program and work one on one with me for a year! At the end you’ll have your 200 hour yoga teacher certification as well as the tools to create a solid self practice.
To book a private yoga class: CLICK HERE
To learn more about our apprenticeship program, or to apply: CLICK HERE
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