Finding Balance

“Your hand opens and closes, opens and closes. If it were always a fist or always stretched open, you would be paralysed. Your deepest presence is in every small contracting and expanding, the two as beautifully balanced and coordinated as birds' wings.”  - Rumi 

Think of one word that describes 2013 for you.  Just one word.   Now, think of one word that you would like to manifest in 2014.   I've asked my students to think of these words over the past couple of weeks as they sit quietly before our asana practice.   The word for what they would like to manifest for themselves in 2014 then became the intention for their practice.  How can you find this intention as you move from posture to posture? As a result, turning intention into action on the mat.    

For me, 2013 was "stabilization".  This year was about reuniting my family after a year of separation from my spouse, it was about settling into a teaching career and a method of teaching that resonates and feels unique to me, it was about finding my grounding and working to create stability for myself and my family.  The year certainly had it's ups and downs, and moments where stability was challenged.  At the end of the year, I can say that I feel like I have a solid foundation, a solid ground to build from.

I teach balance often in class.  We talk about the essential elements of staying balanced while in our postures.  We look for grounding, dristi (focused soft mindful gaze), and stability or awareness of our core.   From these elements we begin to find balance.

2013 was the year of creating the elements of a balanced life.   2014 will be about maintaining that balance and becoming aware of how to sustain balance personally, and with my work/family life.

We've all had practices where we've felt out of balance.  Both spiritually and physically as we topple our usually strong and sturdy vrksasana.   I expect that when our body falls out of balance often during practice we can easily link that to something that has been out of balance in our lives, perhaps related to diet, or even emotions or activity level.    Mind and body are one, not separate entities.  So - imbalance elsewhere in the mind or body often shows up as a wobble in our practice.   This can work both ways - if we see imbalance in our practice we can begin to work through it and challenge ourselves to find balance on the mat and as a result perhaps begin to see more balance in other areas of our lives.

"shtira sukham asanam"

"postures assumed should be both still and pleasant"

- Yoga Sutra, Sadhana-pada (46)

Our practice in January will be about finding balance.  Following a month of strength based practice, we will begin to use the grounding and centering we cultivated to begin expressing our postures with a balance between strength & ease, stillness & sweetness.   The balancing postures allow us to explore this concept fully as we attempt to stay grounded amid varying challenges.  

Because, life is like that.   We've probably all felt ourselves in the experience of a life out of balance.  When I began teaching, I wanted to teach a lot so I took any and all teaching opportunities that came my way.  I ended up with a crazy schedule that had me heading in all directions like (to quote Sadie Nardini) "an octopus on rollerskates".   In an attempt to do what I loved to do, I ended up creating imbalance in other areas of my life.  

This winter I have begun to prioritize more, finding more time with family by adjusting my schedule and saying "no" when I needed to.   I have also dedicated myself to a regular studio based practice with teachers that inspire and challenge me.   Keeping balance by maintaining a dedicated yoga practice but also recognizing that there had to be a solid work/family balance.  I wanted to live in a way that I didn't feel the need for a vacation just so I could spend time relaxing or with my family & friends.  I wanted to find that balance in every single day.   

I've also stopped using the word "busy".   I used to always respond to the question "How are things?" with "busy".   Instead, I take the time to think about how things actually are.  If things feel busy, I see that as a sign of an imbalanced life.  "I'm just too busy to do the things I want to do...".  I'm not.  Nobody is.   It is about prioritizing, and saying no when you need to in order to cultivate the balance that allows you to feel like you are no longer too busy to live the life you want.   Furthermore; we should never be too busy to get ourselves on to the mat to do the work of physically cultivating balance in our body and thus in our lives.   

We will start by exploring the strength foundation we built last month, and then look to the elements of sthira and sukham in our postures in order to draw in and express.  To be less like an octopus on rollerskates and more like a neatly folded pile of laundry.

Our practice will begin on January 1 at Bodhi Tree Downtown for a FREE New Years practice at 3pm with Scott Maclean, Dev Kashyap and myself.   We will continue exploring balance on January 4 as we move to our hands in the Defying Gravity arm balancing and inversion workshop.  You can register for that workshop online at http://bodhitreehotyoga.com or by clicking the Defying Gravity poster in the side bar.  Use the code: "gravity" (no quotations) to get $5 off your registration if you register before January 2.

Looking forward to an exciting, fun, and balanced month (months, years...) of yoga with you!   Happy New Year! Let's do this thing!

Cracking Open

Over the past few months I have been committed to a daily asana practice, and have recently added  meditation into the mix.   Sometimes my practice consists of a few handstands while folding laundry, other times I lay over a bolster, and other times I practice vinyasa and other times I simply just sit.  What I tend to avoid in my practice at home are the postures that give me trouble.  The postures that make me hurt, or that are challenging physically or emotionally.   I usually stick to the stuff I like.

This morning as I was meditating and I happened to be looking at a chair (I meditate mostly with my eyes open as a practice of being grounded in the moment directly in front of me), and the thought popped up (as they often do when I sit still) that I should attempt a back bend over the chair today.

So, I went about my practice avoiding the chair until I couldn't avoid it any longer.  I finally decided to place a blanket on my chair, and lay back.   This is a posture I hate.   It makes me want to puke, and I would rather do anything than lay back over the chair and have the edge of the seat take residence just underneath my heart.   In class, I often bail out and avoid the chances of potentially bursting into uncontrollable sobbing, or vomiting.

So - I laid back.   5 breaths.

Then overwhelmed with emotion, and nausea.  I got up.

I moved along to shoulder stand (another posture I dislike, but it felt like a breeze compared with the chair back bend).   Then laid myself over a bolster to reflect and rest.

My conclusion:  It's time to crack open

Am I dealing with just my own karma here, or many lifetimes of karma?  When I asked my teacher about this, she said "deal with this lifetime, it's the one you know".   Indeed, it is.   And for whatever reason, I'm holding on.   Letting go of control particularly control of my emotions is a big thing.   So much so, that I'm protected by a big fear of mine - vomiting.  I open my heart, I want to puke.

But, this isn't the first time I've encountered this.  Back when I first began practising yoga, I ran into a similar issue.   I was just starting to open up to practice - creating a relationship with my body and breath and connecting to myself in a new way.   At this time, every single yoga class was met with overwhelming nausea.  I made some changes to cope - attending class on an empty stomach and giving up coffee.    Thankfully, the nausea subsided but my willingness to keep getting back on the mat to do the "work" that was before me was waning.

It was at this time that I took a break from yoga.   I found many excuses to not attend class - and as a result was able to avoid the work I needed to do to take my practice to the next level.

It was a good six months before I returned to the mat.  Summer of 2010, I got myself an unlimited summer pass and got back on the mat.   By winter of that year, I was applying for teacher training.   I began teacher training in January 2011.   During teacher training, I was locked into growing my practice and for the 16 months of teacher training I can say that yoga began to create genuine shifts and growth.   My body began to open up, I began to face fears on the mat and fears in my life.  I transformed from a shy introvert into an open, confident teacher.

Of course, I hadn't reached enlightenment or anything - I simply began to create an intimate relationship with yoga practice.

Today, I recognized that there is more to crack open.   I know it is worth every bit of pain, every amount of work, every moment of dedication I give to it.   As I approach my 40th birthday this week, I am seeing how I can begin to face some monumental fears of being truly open and vulnerable, in order to open to the world and in particular to those who are closest to me.

Yoga is a pretty incredible thing.   A powerful tool to create the life you desire.   A powerful tool to find stillness and to connect to something that feels infinite in possibility.   I'm filled with gratitude to have this tool in my life and in particular I am grateful to be able to share this every day with students in my classes.

I often see students reach that often scary moment where their practice is starting to reach inside them looking to create real growth.   Suddenly, their schedules become busier and they are unable to find a way to get themselves into class with the same amount of regularity.  Some stop coming to class all together.   You may even recognize this in yourself.

Yoga gives you the ability to begin looking at yourself honestly.   In that ability, you begin to recognize the importance of living authentically.   From my perspective, if I am to to live with this awareness, I know I need to keep working.   My path in yoga may not have a defined end goal, but it certainly has pit stops and many opportunities for awakening and growth along the way.   If you have found yourself in a pit stop recently,  and you've stopped coming to class,  I encourage you to make your way back to the mat again.  Make the time to dedicate toward growth.  Crack open.  As hard as the shell might seem to be,  the world needs the vulnerability and authenticity that will begin to seep through the cracks.